Get to Know You Questions, and What to Do With the Answers

What makes a get to know you question good

Most question lists optimize for fun. Fun is fine for the first five minutes of a team call, but it is a weak test, because plenty of fun questions produce answers that end the moment they are given. A good get to know you question passes three checks:

1. It is easy to answer. Nobody should need thirty seconds to think. “What’s your favorite memory?” stalls a room. “What’s the best thing you ate this week?” does not.
2. It is open. It invites a story, not a yes or a no. “Do you like your job?” closes. “What’s the part of your job you’d keep if you could only keep one?” opens.
3. The answer moves. It is about something unfinished, so it gives you a reason to come back to it. This is the check almost every list ignores, and it is the one that turns a first conversation into a second.

Static questions (favorite color, cats or dogs, your Hogwarts house) are icebreakers. They warm up a room, and that is a real job. Questions with a future are how you actually get to know someone, because the follow-up is built in. The 2017 Harvard study by Karen Huang and colleagues found that people who asked more follow-up questions were better liked by their partners. An answer that moves is a follow-up waiting to happen.

Get to know you questions for work

Work questions have one extra rule: anyone must be able to answer without disclosing more than they want. In a team round, a person with a hard year at home should still have an easy, honest answer. So keep these about work, interests and the near future, and let people go personal if they choose.

• What are you working on right now that you’re most curious about?
• What did you do before this role, and what carried over?
• What’s something you’re getting better at this year?
• What’s the most useful thing you’ve learned from a past manager?
• What does a good week look like for you?
• What’s a tool or habit that saves you real time?
• What’s one thing about your work people usually misunderstand?
• What are you looking forward to this quarter, at work or outside it?
• What’s something you could teach the team in ten minutes?
• How do you like to get feedback: written, in person, right away or later?
• What’s a project you’re proud of that most people here never saw?
• What’s on your reading or listening list at the moment?

For a new coworker one on one, you can go a step further than in a group: “What made you take this job?” and “What’s surprised you so far?” both work in the first month and invite a story you can return to in the third.

Get to know you questions for new friends

With someone you might become friends with, the aim is to find what they care about. Lean on questions about how they spend their time and what is changing.

• What does a perfect Saturday look like for you?
• What’s something you’ve gotten into in the last year?
• How did you end up living here?
• What are you looking forward to this month?
• Who’s someone you’ve known the longest, and how did you meet?
• What’s a trip you’re planning or still thinking about?
• What’s something you’re trying to get better at just for fun?
• What’s a place in town you’d take a visitor to?
• What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?
• What did you want to be when you were ten, and how close did you get?
• What’s something you changed your mind about recently?
• What are you saving up for, or toward?

These pair well with what is in how to make friends as an adult: friendships form from repeated contact, and repeated contact goes better when the second conversation starts from what you learned in the first.

Get to know you questions for students and class

In a classroom or a club, the questions have to work out loud, in front of peers, at any comfort level. Keep them light and concrete, and give people an easy pass.

• What’s something you’re good at that isn’t on a report card?
• What’s a goal you have for this term?
• What’s a show, game or book you’d recommend to this group?
• If you could learn any skill in a week, what would it be?
• What’s a subject you expected to hate and didn’t?
• What’s the best advice an older student gave you?
• What’s something you’re looking forward to this semester?
• Where’s your favorite place to study, and why there?
• What’s a job you’d want to try for a single day?
• What’s something about you most people here wouldn’t guess?

For kids, swap the abstract ones for things they can picture: “What’s the best thing you did this weekend?”, “If you had a pet that could talk, what would it say?”, “What would you make if you were in charge of lunch?”

Deeper get to know you questions

Depth is welcome sooner than most people expect, but it has to be earned in the conversation, not imposed on it. The best-known evidence is Arthur Aron’s 1997 study, often called the 36 questions. Pairs of strangers spent 45 minutes taking turns through three sets of questions that grew steadily more personal, and they ended up feeling closer than pairs who spent the same time on small talk. The escalation was the point: each set built on the trust from the last.

When you are past the first layer, these are good ones:

• What’s something you believe now that you didn’t five years ago?
• What’s a decision that changed the direction of your life?
• What are you proud of that you rarely get to talk about?
• What does a good friend do that most people don’t?
• What’s something you’re working through right now?
• What do you want more of in the next year?
• Who shaped how you see the world, and how?
• What’s a risk you’re glad you took?
• What would you do with a year off and enough money?
• What’s a question you wish people asked you more?

The last one is the most useful question on this page. Whatever they answer, you now know what they want to be asked about.

The real mistake: asking the same question twice

Nobody minds a clumsy question. What people notice is a repeated one. “So what do you do again?” at the second coffee, or “Where are you from?” in week six of a team, tells the other person their answer didn’t land. It undoes the good the first question did.

This happens because a get to know you round produces far more answers than anyone holds. Eight people in a team intro each give you a project, a hobby and a plan. A new friend mentions a sister, a move and a half marathon in the first ten minutes. By Friday you have the feeling of having learned something and almost none of the specifics.

The fix is not a better memory. It is keeping one answer per person, and it takes about thirty seconds while you still have it.

Keep the answer that moves, plus a name if one came up:

Priya, team intro, Oct 27. Training for her first marathon, Philly, November 22. Learning Portuguese for a trip to Lisbon in spring. Partner is Sam.

That note is three follow-up questions, written in advance: how the race went, how the Portuguese is coming, whether Lisbon is booked. For more on what is worth keeping, see what to write in contact notes, and for the part where the name goes first, how to remember people’s names.

Ask, listen, keep one thing

A get to know you question only works if you hear the answer. Listen for the part they say with the most energy and ask about that, rather than reaching for the next question on your list. How to practice active listening covers what to do while they are talking, and how to make small talk covers the lighter, unplanned version of these conversations at parties and events.

Intriq is built for the keeping part. Speak or type the note on your iPhone as you walk out of the meeting, and it files the marathon and the Lisbon trip under Priya rather than under a date. Before the next one on one, ask what Priya mentioned last time and you get back what you saved, ready to turn into the question only you could ask. It works the same way before a call; see questions to ask before an important call.

Key takeaway: Pick get to know you questions that are easy, open and about something still in motion, match their depth to the setting, and follow the answer instead of the list. Then keep one answer per person, because the question that really builds a relationship is the one you ask the second time you meet.

FAQ

What are good get to know you questions?

Good ones are easy to answer, open-ended, and about something unfinished in the person’s life. “What are you looking forward to this month?”, “What are you working on that you’re most curious about?” and “What’s something you’ve gotten into in the last year?” all work in almost any setting and give you something to ask about later.

What are good get to know you questions for work?

Stick to work, interests and the near future so everyone can answer comfortably in a group: “What’s something you’re getting better at this year?”, “What does a good week look like for you?” and “What could you teach the team in ten minutes?” Save personal questions for one on ones, and let people go there first.

How do you make get to know you questions less awkward?

Answer your own question first so people hear the length and tone you mean, keep the first round light, and offer an easy pass. Then follow up on what they actually said instead of moving straight to the next question. A follow-up shows you were listening; a new question shows you were waiting.

What are deep get to know you questions?

Deep questions ask about beliefs, turning points and what someone is working through: “What’s something you believe now that you didn’t five years ago?” or “What do you want more of in the next year?” Use them once the conversation has warmed up, and let the other person set how far it goes.

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?

They come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron. Pairs of strangers took turns answering 36 questions in three sets that grew more personal over 45 minutes, and reported feeling closer than pairs who made small talk. The lesson for everyday conversations is gradual escalation: each answer earns the next, slightly deeper question.

How do I remember people’s answers?

Write down one answer per person within a few minutes of the conversation, choosing the one that is still in motion, like a race, a move or a project, plus any names. That single line gives you the follow-up question for next time. A relationship memory app like Intriq can hold these notes by person and bring them back before you meet again.